Early Years

Ivan FF was born to an albino unicorn and conjoined Siamese twin cats in the year of our Lord 1337 (the only record of the month was lost when the ancient monastery of Santa Tigre was immolated by priests of a clashing order in the 15th century). As a child, his favorite words were pistachio and avocado, while the words moist and homunculus invariably made him shudder. His worst fears were peanut butter and being stuck in a rock crevice which was just wide enough to slip into but not as easy to get back out of. His most adored foods, hobbies, pastimes, and meteorological phenomena were cactus pears, rambutan, jellyfish tentacles, sea urchins, collecting people's fallen baby teeth, old coins, paper clips of various colors and sizes, the revered sport of ratabagnami, total solar eclipses, and hail. Most of his friends were centaurs, but his favorite companion was a red-speckled snake-girl named Iphigenia.